In this brief essay I will try and explain to you the paradoxical aspects of owning an iPhone. I write this from a singular standpoint, and in no way mean to project my feelings on the iPhone community at large. These are simple observations I have made over the past year of possessing “The greatest devise known to geeks.”

                Life began for me in the summer of 1983. I lived in a world of simple pleasures like Ice Cream, and Baseball. Through my childhood I would speak to my parents and they would speak to me. We would ride in the car and listen to the radio, and talk about the days happenings. These interactions began diminishing as the technology in our household increased; namely the cell phone. Other technologies had a great effect on our family dynamic, but the invention of a piece of plastic with circuits boards that allowed me to be “mobile” has proved to be the most detrimental to my existence as a human.

                As this essay strives to focus on the iPhone and not all cell phones, or technology in general; I will spare you my personal history with my humanitarian fall through the uprising of technology. Suffice it to say this one piece of glorious technology was not the sole player, but merely the catalyst to my demise.

                I stated before that life began in ’83, but I thought life became worth living in July of 2008. Apple had introduced the iPhone about a year before this, and I had been totally enthralled by this product. I would read reviews, look at pictures, and watch videos. I was obsessed. I can even remember the first time I held an iPhone. I was at church and my wife Magan, and she said that our friend Randy has an iPhone and he’d probably let me look at it. I talk to Randy and he hands me his phone. I essentially turn into a 3 year old child who has just meet Barney. I flick it open and stare at it for a few seconds in awe.  I click a few applications, but my hands are literally trembling from all the hype I’ve placed on this one moment. I eventually hand it back to Randy and said something like I was just too nervous to look at it now. That should have been a big warning sign.

                I didn’t hold another iPhone until I bought my own in July ’09. This was partly due to my fear of freaking out like I did with Randy’s iPhone, and the fact that I just felt weird asking someone to lend me their phone so I could explore it. This doesn’t mean I stopped my intense research of the phone. I still watched videos about the phone, and talked about it probably every day. When Apple announced the release of the 3G iPhone, I knew this was my chance. I was still in a contract with another service provider, but I’d resigned myself to paying the termination fee and getting my “Dream Phone.”

                Launch Day comes around and I take off work to go stand in line. Magan and I get there a good hour before the store opens, but we were already thwarted by at least 60 other people.  We get to the AT&T employee and learn that all the phones in the store are gone; the last one having gone to the 10 year old in front of us in line. We would have to order ours, and they would be here in about a week.

                Paying a God Awful amount of money we leave with the promise that our lives will be changed in a week’s time.  The next week drags by at a snail’s pace. A call comes in and they tell me my phone is ready, but Magan’s will be in the next day. Magan being the wonderful wife she is says I should go get it and she’d survive another day iPhone-less. I go and pick up my phone and that Barney feeling hits me again. In hindsight there may or may not have been the sounds of tolling funeral bells in the background; I say that with the knowledge I know now. I probably placed the bells in the story after my demise became apparent.

                Before the iPhone I had a cheap slider phone. I could call people, text, and take horrible photos. Getting this new phone was the technological equivalent of fighting with a billy club to wielding a Tommy Gun. The iPhone had the Internet, e-mail, a calendar, an iPod, and applications that I could download. I was in heaven…or so I thought.

                The first several months were great. I could be seen anywhere around town; iPhone in hand. It hasn’t been 3 feet from my side except for showers, and rare occasions.  I was attached at the hip as they say. I saw no problem with using it in conversation, or while driving, or even in church. With a full QWERTY keyboard I could type until my thumbs were numb. (Actually with a glass screen there isn’t much abrasion or impact. It’s a rather good design)

                Any free minute would find me on my phone looking up some worthless piece of information on the internet, or playing a new game I just downloaded, or just mindlessly scrolling through the menus. I would open the phone sometimes just to look like I had something to do. There is no real reason for you to have your phone in your hand the entire time you are in Target. The same applies to the Grocery Store. But there I was; important as always.

                I find myself closed off at work with my ear buds in.  Some people claim the iPod started this alienation trend, but for me it was the fact that I have a portable video screen.  I have become addicted to movies and videos. Music has been pushed to the side, as well as branching out of my 3 foot tether. Before my iPhone I felt I could hold a conversation for more than a few minutes.  Now I feel like a Minute is an eternity. I rely on a device for entertainment rather than my own imagination.

                As I type this my phone is 2 feet away from me on my desk. My headphones are plugged in, as well as a power cord. (Video sucks a lot of power so I keep it hooked up) The hour or so it has taken me to write this will probably be the longest I’ll go today without watching a video, or playing a game, or checking my mail. I am in no way cured of this Technological Illness; I merely am merely of the problem. I’ve never been to an AA problem, but I hear that the first step to a solution is admitting you have a problem. If that’s the case then I well on my way to an eventual recovery. Does this mean I’ll drop the iPhone for another device…I highly doubt it. I think it means I will try and limit myself in its use.

                I hope this hasn’t turned you away from the wonderful aspects this device offers. Just because I am now a less patient, and more scattered person doesn’t mean you will meet the same fate.  Many of my friends live productive lives in society, and their iPhone is simply an extension to their personality. 

                I’ve got to go now. My iPet needs to be fed, I’ve got the last half of “Dead Poets Society” to watch, Im working on a new high score in Cubes, and I’ll probably Twitter 6 more times before I go to sleep tonight.  Oh yeah, I’ve also got some stuff to do here at work.